Tag Archives: Irony

And The Good News About Sex Is…

When Your Sex Life Hits A Setback

or The Irony Of ‘Good News’ Which Applies To Very Few Of Us

I’ve just found some startling facts about sex. Did you know that you can have a satisfying sex life right into your 80s?

No, neither did I… although I guess Cary Grant and (I believe…) Charlie Chaplin would have been only too happy to confirm this…

And to have a long and satisfying sex life, all you have to do is remain remarkably fit just like this 😉 …

Bay View Exercise Course by Odalaigh

Bay View Exercise Course by Odalaigh

Now, the problem as I see it is, how many octegenarians are actually remarkably fit?

Kinda puts a damper on that hope for the future doesn’t it? Especially when the article goes on to show that other studies have found that physical frailty may well be a contributor to the development of early Alzheimer’s disease.

So you might still be able to continue to have a sex life, but would you remember it?

And if that sounds cruel, well imagine what it must feel like for the poor Alzheimer’s victim.

But all is not lost, evidently, because if you take up a course of physical exercise you can help ward off some of the effects of old age. So, I guess that with a healthy diet the author mentions and all that pounding the streets to keep healthy, as the author recommends, you might just be able to prevent the onset of frailty.

And then you will really be able to enjoy that long sex life.

Running By Roberto Berlim

Running By Roberto Berlim

That’s if the pollution on the street doesn’t get to you first…

Images:

Bay View Exercise Course by Odalaigh
Published Under Creative Commons Licence
and
Running by Roberto Berlim
posted under Creative Commons Licence

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Just A Couple Of Ironic Blonde Jokes

Microsoft Word For Blondes

Microsoft Word For Blondes

Microsoft Word For Blondes

A Joke emailed to me about:

WINDOW REPLACEMENT

Last year, I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.

Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago, and that I hadn’t paid for them yet.

Hellloooo? Now just because I’m blonde, doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year, namely, that in just ONE YEAR, these windows would pay for themselves!

“Helllooooo” ? (I told him.) “It’s been a year”!

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.

He hasn’t called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me.

Bet he won’t underestimate a blonde again!

An Ironic Twist For Hannibal Lecter

Haniball Under Arrest...

Haniball Under Arrest...

According to The Morning Star:

Police have arrested Anthony Hopkins in connection with the body of a woman found in his freezer.

Evidently police think the body is of Hopkins’ wife, who hasn’t been seen in public for three years.

True to a Silence Of The Lambs scenario, the body cannot undergo a post mortum to determine the cause of death until it has fully defrosted…

Even more horror surrounds this case however, as police were allegedly investigating Hopkins for rape, sodomy, sex abuse and incest, and now murder is being added to that list…

As The Morning Star says:

Hannibal Lecter … would no doubt be impressed…

Of course this couldn’t be the real Anthony Hopkins…. could it…?

The Irony Of English Superiority

Following on from my last ironic post on The Irony Of American Superiority, I thought it was only fair to balance the books in some way. So, today we ask the question:

Why Do The English Think They Are Superior?

Could it be their Long History Of Civilized Society? Perhaps it is… which is why they have tried to force it upon the rest of the world at some time or another…

The English pride themselves on being Kind To Their Neighbours, but I’m not so sure the Irish, Scots and Welsh would agree with that…

The English are so ‘civilised’ There has Never Been A Real Political Revolution in England By The English People. There has been a political revolution in England involving some country near France… but I doubt if the English people even noticed it. Could it be that they have always been too lazy to get off their butts and find out?

Of course, we must remember that The English Were One Of The First Countries To Have A Female Prime Minister…. although a lady from one of their former colonies was first…. and in any case, did the World really need Margaret Thatcher?

Perhaps the English feel superior because of their Pioneering Spirit? Well, there have been many pioneers in English history… but many of them stayed in the country they had ‘discovered’ and never returned. Perhaps they preferred it there…?

And talking of that Pioneering Spirit, The English have a Great Sense of Travel And Adventure… as long as the place they are travelling to has a fish and chip shop, an English pub, and satelite dishes so they will not miss their favourite English TV soaps…

Along with the enjoyment of travel come Great Linguistic Skills… as long as the language spoken is English. They refuse to learn anything else.

But it doesn’t matter if the English only speak English, because everyone loves The Great British Accent, dont they? But which one do they mean? London? Manchester? Liverpool? Tyneside? Dorset?… Truth be told, the English often cannot even understand each other.

Never mind, the English still have The Strength Of The Great British £… They try to ignore the fact it is falling rapidly against the Euro.

Nevertheless, the English can pride themselves on their Sense Of Fair Play. This usually means “We don’t mind so much about coming in last”. And have you ever been able to sit through a cricket match without falling asleep? Do you care whether there is fair play or not? And in any case, I don’t think the English Soccer thugs are very fair, do you?

The English are well known for their Great Television Serials and their thrillers are usually very good. Pity they make so few of them they have to repeat them year after year, until everyone knows the plot word for word…

Same with English Television Comedies. Who can forget the excellent Monty Python, or Fawlty Towers? Are you still patiently waiting for new shows of this high calibre? Or are you still trying to laugh at Little Briton? I didn’t think so…

But we have to admit that the English have a Great Sense Of Irony. And this is sharpened by their ability to laugh at themselves. Well it would be wouldn’t it? After all, there’s so much to laugh about…

So What Is Really Superior About The English?

Well, many countries admire or copy their Great National Health Service. and rightly so… even if successive governments have tried their best to pull it apart.

But wasn’t the idea originally proposed by a Welsh man? And didn’t the Scots actually have it first…?

The Irony Of American Superiority

What is it about so many Americans which makes them think they are superior?

Is it their Government? Sincere and capable Mr Bush and his cronies? Surely not….

Is it their great Bill Of Rights? Many ‘rights’ left in the US? Not a lot…

Perhaps it’s the great US Education System? The one which churns out kids able to put hand on heart and salute the American Flag… but who are ill-equiped to face the real world. And didn’t I read somewhere that more and more US public schools are relying on the parents, to fork out most of the money for their kids books? Bet that works just great in the inner cities…

There again, it could be the US Dollar. Doing great at the moment against the Euro, isn’t it? Perhaps not…

Perhaps it’s that ‘pioneering spirit’? The one which produces all that belief that ‘I can do it!’ …. if I have the money/contacts/family background/color/gender which fits…

The Americans certainly have a great record on Race Relations, don’t they? Could be a Black American President soon. Way to go! Wonder when we will see a Native American President? Guess we might have to wait a while longer on that…

What about the great American Sense Of Fair Play? You know the one – ‘if we can’t win at a sport we will either (a) invent our own, or (b) threaten to boycott the country where the sports are being held.’ Yeah. That’ll do it!

And this ‘sense of fair play’ carries over into American Business Practices too. ‘We don’t invent much, but we sure as hell know how to buy (cheat…) a system out from under a small company and make millions from of it. And for good measure, we’ll call what we sell ‘a licence’, so we can change it without the purchaser’s permission and then sell them upgrades to put it right.’ Nice one! I’m typing this post on one of those systems now!

But all Americans know their business practices are right, don’t they? I guess that’s why they will be fleeced again and again by their own countrymen, but then declare they never trust in doing business with anyone ‘outside US shores’.

Because The American Way Is The Right Way, isn’t it? I guess it must be because:

Who can ever forget the great American way of Declaring War On Other Countries? Because (a) ‘We were given the wrong information, but it’s okay – we did the right thing anyhow.’ Or (b) ‘We don’t like their politics’. Or (c) ‘We want their oil….’

Perhaps someone would explain to me just What Is It About Being An American Which Gives Someone This Overwhelming Sense Of Superiority?

I know. Perhaps it’s their teeth? Those lovely wide, white smiles. (So sincere too…). And I have to say that they do seem to have better orthodontists in the US.

For those Americans who can afford them that is…